The Power of Maintaining Emotional Capacities

What separates a good agent from a bad agent? 

Experience? Knowledge? Responsiveness? Absolutely. 

In this challenging marketplace the often overlooked and undervalued skill that comes top of mind for KRT is the art of maintaining our own and our client’s emotional capacities.

LOGIC VS. EMOTION

We all have milestone events that engage our emotions: applying for a job, losing a job, getting married, getting divorced, growing a family, buying a car, etc. At the top of this list is also the process of buying or selling a home.

For better or worse, the real estate industry has tried to simplify buying or selling a home down to a very logical sequence of events. Experienced real estate agents can describe these processes in their sleep.

But what about emotional processes? Everyone deals with and navigates emotions. You may categorize yourself as a “thinker” rather than a “feeler” – but that doesn’t mean your emotions don’t exist. During life’s most critical milestones, even the most logical individuals have to navigate emotions – both from within and from outside people. 

THE EMOTIONAL ADVERSARY

Emotions aren’t evil, but they can become an adversary. Much to our benefit, our emotions keep us in check. Emotions help us know when to engage, when to fight, and when to run. But emotions (both positive and negative) can also cloud our judgment, infiltrate our logic, and make even the most basic life decisions very complicated.

What separates KRT from the competition is our ability to maintain emotional capacities through the real estate journey. An unmaintained emotional capacity can make even the simplest transactions a nightmare experience for everyone.

So how do we do this?

1. ACCURATE EXPECTATIONS

Maintaining your emotional capacity in real estate begins with having accurate expectations about the marketplace. In 2014, Indy homes were on the market for 75 days before pending. Today, Indy listings last for only 6 days. In 2014, Indy homes sold for an average price of $148,700. Today, Indy homes sell for an average price of $245,388.

2. NAME YOUR EMOTIONS

What emotions surface when you read those statics?

This isn’t fair!

Awesome! My home has gone up in value!

I regret waiting to buy a house.

I better hurry up!

Seems like I can’t win in this marketplace.

I’m scared.

There is a lot of power in naming your emotions. Maintaining your emotional capacity actually begins with naming your emotions. Even if our emotions are illogical, having the self-awareness to name them empowers us as your representatives. KRT understands that the nature of today’s marketplace effects every individual differently. As your representatives, we know that understanding and empathy are the first steps to strategizing tangible solutions. If we didn’t believe we could find creative solutions for our clients, we would have quit this business a long time ago.

 3. IDENTIFY THE ADVERSARY

In any real estate transaction, it is completely normal to assume the adversary in any deal is the person on the other side of the table. KRT does not believe that to be the case. The adversary in a real estate transaction rarely is the other party – it’s often the situation itself. Statistically, there are more positive outcomes in every transaction when we view the other party as an ally rather than an enemy.

  • If your offer is rejected, it probably isn’t because the seller is a jerk. It’s probably because the marketplace has or will provide a stronger offer. The adversary is the marketplace itself.
  • If your inspection report reveals major defects, it probably isn’t because the seller was intentionally hiding defects. It’s probably because the seller lacked the resources or knowledge to properly maintain their home. The adversary is the condition of the home.
  • If the home’s appraisal report comes in $20,000 lower than the purchase price, it probably isn’t because the seller was trying to tank the deal. The adversary is the appraisal report or appeal.

 4. RESPONDING VS. REACTING 

All three of those situations listed above happen from time to time in our industry. Having an emotional reaction is completely normal. Nevertheless, all three of those situations can still be navigated. As your representatives, our primary goal is always to guide our clients to the best possible outcomes of any adversarial situation.  The likelihood of creating a positive outcome is low when we are reacting rather than responding.

Reactions are impulsive. Responses are thoughtful. Reactions are isolating. Responses are collaborative. An emotionally intelligent agent knows how to stay calm during stressful situations – thus opening the door for possible solutions and positive outcomes for everyone.

 5. RESPECTFUL ASSERTIVENESS

Just because our team operates with a “Responsive Mentality” rather than a “Reactive Mentality” – does not mean we aren’t assertive in our representation of your best interests. Just because we are assertive – does not mean we disrespect the other party at the other side of the table. Emotionally intelligent agents know how to communicate their insights and representation in a direct way while still respecting the other party.

 6. STAY CURIOUS. ASK QUESTIONS.

If there’s no such thing as a stupid question, then this would be especially true during a real estate transaction. The process is complicated, and in many ways, the market already feels unapproachable. Because the stakes are so high, our team wants to maintain approachability with client concerns and questions. There is no such thing as a stupid question for your real estate agent.

STORY TIME

I had listed a beautiful home on the market. My sellers were excited to move out of state, and they had done a beautiful job maintaining and preparing their home for showings. We had dozens of showings scheduled within a short period of going “live” on the market, and we immediately received a solid offer with a quick expiration timeline. 

My sellers were excited because they had quickly received an offer above list price on their home (NAME YOUR EMOTIONS). Despite the strength of this quick offer, it was important for us to consider how to respond (RESPONDING VS. REACTING). 

Because my primary goal is always to represent my clients’ best interests, I encouraged my sellers to counter the offer. My sellers asked me if I thought we would receive stronger offers (STAY CURIOUS. ASK QUESTIONS).  I told them – yes. We had only been on the market for 24 hours, and it was clear we would receive multiple offers and a potential bidding war if we waited for more buyers to see the home (ACCURATE EXPECTATIONS). 

If we were going to go under contract with this current buyer, we wanted our counter offer to be both respectful but also assertive. It was going to be a big deal to remove this home from the marketplace so quickly without giving lots of buyers a chance to see the property – essentially missing out on other potentially higher offers (RESPECTFUL ASSERTIVENESS).

We countered this already strong offer with an even larger dollar amount. We presented the offer to the buyer, and I told the other agent to reach out if they had any questions.  The agent was absolutely shocked. “Why would you counter our already strong offer so high if we are the only offer on the table?” I knew that I needed to hop on a phone call with this agent to engage further.

ME: You probably think my sellers are absolutely insane for not accepting your offer and countering so high (trying to *NAME THEIR EMOTIONS*).

OTHER AGENT: Yes. My buyer feels hurt and offended. (THE EMOTIONAL ADVERSARY).

ME: (At this point, I knew that the adversary of the situation is the strong emotions this agent’s client is feeling. The adversary was NOT the person on the other side of this phone call or the buyer himself.) Would it be helpful for me to share where my sellers are coming from? (trying to find out if the other agent is *STAYING CURIOUS* and willing to hear my *RESPONSE VS. REACTION*)

OTHER AGENT: Go ahead.

ME: Seems like your buyer is surprised and hurt by our counter. Your buyer has every right to feel that way (labeling the NAMED EMOTION provided by the other agent). My sellers have had a lot of interest in their property and dozens of other scheduled showings. In order to produce the best possible outcome for everyone, the sellers have decided to counter your already strong offer. Based on the marketplace activity (ACCURATE EXPECTATIONS), my sellers are willing to go under contract with your buyer at this higher price and decline all of the other scheduled showings (RESPONDING VS. REACTING). I understand that this might seem unfair to your buyer, but we also believe we could wait for a similar or stronger outcome by staying on the market if your buyer decides to move on (RESPECTFUL ASSERTIVENESS).

OTHER AGENT: I think my buyer is too offended by the seller’s counter and is going to move onto another property (this buyer has decided that his ADVERSARY was my client, when in reality the buyer’s adversary was the marketplace itself).

ME: I and my sellers completely understand if that’s what your seller wants to do.

In hindsight, it seems that negative emotions clouded this buyer’s judgment, infiltrated his logic, and made the situation very complicated. And who could blame him? We are in an incredibly challenging market. At the end of the day, he may not have wanted to pay that high of a price, so the deal may have been dead from the very start. Could this other agent have done a better job maintaining her client’s emotional capacity? Maybe, but maybe not. To be fair, our real estate “job descriptions” speak nothing of maintaining emotional capacities.

Based on our phone call, it seemed that this buyer considered my sellers to be his adversary in this situation, when in reality his adversary was the marketplace. Even if we could have come to terms on price, the transaction could have been tumultuous regardless.

APPLICATION

So what do we do in these situations? Remember – the goal isn’t to ignore or disengage your emotions altogether! Emotions keep us in check. Emotions help us know when to engage, when to fight, and when to run. But emotions (both positive and negative) can also cloud our judgment, infiltrate our logic, and make even the most basic life decisions very complicated. The application isn’t to be a robot.  It is completely normal to be offended at a high counter-offer, to be disappointed by a messy inspection report, to be heartbroken over a rejected offer, or to be excited about an accepted offer! The application is to (1) have accurate expectations, (2) name your emotions, (3) identify the adversary, (4) respond rather than react, (5) be respectful yet assertive, and (6) stay curious!